I told myself that I was going to be completely honest when I started this blog. I wasn't going to hold anything back; if there was something wrong I would tell you. So here it goes...
This week has been a struggle. It's hard to write down in words how I feel; there are so many different emotions. I am someone who is an emotional perfectionist; when I care about something so much I want it to be perfect. And I have found this is also becoming apart of my performing. I never want to perform a role that I'm not perfect at, I never want to dance something that isn't perfect, and I don't want to perform when the song isn't perfect. I am my number one critic. But with the challenge to post a new video every Wednesday, I'm forced to post videos that aren't perfect in my eyes. It's just become so hard to find the perfect song every week, learn it, and perform it. I'm trying to teach myself everything and it's hard. I know I've come along way from first picking the guitar up 29 days ago, but I want to be amazing now, and it's frustrating me that I'm not. One of my acting Professors Adam Simpson, who has been really helpful with teaching me different strum patterns, told me "to praise every little accomplishment" and I want to but I just can't. I just feel that I want it so bad, that I'm not allowing myself room to make mistakes and mess up. If I could I would just practice 24/7 that would be ideal because I want to be great and being great takes time; but I have classes and work and theatre shows and these things have first priority. I've already sacrificed doing homework assignments so that I can practice, but in the long run it will start effecting my grades.
Also I know that image is just as important as talent. Before you open your mouth they have already judged you; so what do they see. I have always been an active person; playing soccer, swimming, ect.; but I'm not happy with where I am at. So I've been going back to the gym, going running more, and watching what I eat.
I'm sorry this entry it's not all sunshine and butterflies, but I thought that that ya'll should know where I’m at. Since my theme is my “Road to Success" I just thought I would let you know that I'm at a speed bump right now and trying to get over it. Thanks for listening and hopefully everything works out and I pull something together by Wednesday.
I hope you stay with me as I continue to purse my "Road to Success"
The destination will never be worth it if the journey there kills you. Your desire is apparent and appreciated but you're gonna have to find a balance or none of it will work.
ReplyDeleteKayla, you have such a unique ability. You have a voice unlike any voice I've ever heard and you have the bubbliest personality. Just be yourself. Who you are is enough.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't worry about being perfect. Very few people see themselves as perfect and those that do are probably delusional. Being flawed as a performer is necessary. People want to hear singers that remind them of themselves. Your flaws make you relatable!
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ReplyDeleteKeep your head up! I know you are working very hard.
ReplyDeleteand you are doing a great job... don't be so hard on yourself
I hear you play everyday and i would rather listen to you than the radio!!
You are wonderful, it just takes practice.. a lot of it.
Remember what Adam said just be smooth with it :)
I love you!!!